My journey to motherhood: Conceiving in my mid-30s

I never paid much attention to my periods other than what a nuisance they were. Like many women, I spent the first two days of my menstrual cycle in pain and clinging to my hot water bottle for relief. More recently, my periods have taken on a different meaning - I think about them more. Every period now feels like a loss. A missed opportunity to create life, a feeling of failure and deep disappointment. It's strange, but you spend your entire young adult life fearing your fertility, worrying about getting pregnant, and then when you finally want to become a mother, you realize it's not as easy as you thought or were led to believe. The irony is bittersweet.

I'm a 36-year-old woman and yoga teacher living in England - just shy of 37 - and I can hear this ticking clock: it's like a constant hum in the background of my mind. Sometimes the sense of urgency can feel all-consuming. I knew I always wanted to have a family, but like many working women, I was busy focusing on my career. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do.Career change in my late 20sbecome onePersonal trainer and fitness trainerand eventually focused on becoming a full-time yoga practitioner. At the beginning of 2020, I finally reached a place where I felt stable. I was living with my fiancé, who was getting married in September, and I had a steady stream of work. All my ducks were in their proverbial rows.

Then Covid-19 hit and everything changed.

My work abruptly stopped (and has decreased dramatically since March of last year), like many couples during the pandemic, my fiancé and I decided to postpone our wedding rather than have a virtual wedding. All plans went out the window. Given the stress and uncertainty brought on by the pandemic, it just wasn't the right time to think about starting a family. When my birthday came last April, I couldn't ignore the fact that my window for having a baby was starting to narrow. Whether it was the right time or not, I couldn't put it on hold any longer - pandemic or no pandemic.

It's no secret that fertility decreases with ageWomen's Health, “(link removed)" This is because the number and quality of eggs decreases and therefore "(link removed)“.

The best way I've been able to cope is by sharing my story in safe spaces and listening to those (link removed) who also have fertility issues. And as a woman of color (I have South American heritage), I sat and watchedOprah's interview with Megan Markle and Prince HarryLike many people, they were saddened by their own miscarriage and the stories they told: their discussions with the royal family about the color of their son Archie's skin. My fiancé is black and we have had to overcome racism and disapproval of our own relationship. We have already discussed how we will raise our children, who will be mixed race, and the challenges we will face. This is another lens, another layer that I also have to navigate in my journey to motherhood.

Like a woman of color reading about itBIPOC women are fighting hyperfertile stereotypeswhile they look for help and(link removed)That some faces have a lot to do due to the high cost of the treatments. Of course, while I'm not seeking treatment at the moment, these statistics are difficult to grasp. Like many women who search the internet for answers, I would turn to online research and become anxious. Then I turn to my own yoga practice.

A Essential Yoga Practice for Fertility:

As a yoga and mindfulness teacher, I understand too well the effects of stress on the body and mind. More than ever, I need to embody what I teach by prioritizing self-care through daily meditation, regular exercise, therapy, restorative yoga, and acts of kindness toward myself. When I feel overwhelmed, I remind myself to take a step back. Pause. And breathe. I find a comfortable seat and close my eyes. I feel my feet on the floor, place my hands on my lower abdomen, and consciously breathe into and down my hands, inviting space into that place within me that has the potential to create life. I remind myself that everything will be okay. I turn to this simple yoga practice whenever I need it, sometimes multiple times a day, and it always comforts me.

If you are reading this while searching for fertility answers, know that you are not alone. There are people out there going through exactly what you are. And as Mother's Day approaches and spring is just around the corner, stay hopeful and inspired by the women who have lifted you up in difficult times like these. The seeds of life sprout, the sun begins to shine again. There is hope. Yoga and mindfulness can bring you closer to this connection with yourself.

Some self-care essentials that help me slow down and connect with myself:

(link removed) - I love lighting candles or burning incense to change my mood and promote a sense of positivity and calm.

Skin & Tonic The Calm Kit– Part of my self-care is taking care of my skin. I like to pamper myself with a face mask, rub essential oil or balm on my temples, or give myself a mini facial massage while rubbing in my nighttime moisturizer to relax and unwind before bed.

Yogamatters organic cotton eye pillow– A must for my restorative yoga practice. Not only does the subtle weight and darkness help to shut down the nervous system, but the subtle sending of lavender promotes relaxation.