It's Okay to Not Be Okay: Mindfulness for Men

The world came to a standstill when I realized I had been using activities, work, and other distractions to avoid being fully aware of my stress and anxiety. It was a very interesting year in which we had to rethink how we lived with stress and were always on the go so as not to really feel the stress and anxiety within us.

Words like "I'm stressed at work or at home" or "travel or traveling or holidays can be stressful", although last year, when it seemed like it was a time for some to think and rest, it was reported to be very stressful and conversations about stress and anxiety increased, according to the NHS, as other concerns emerged (e.g. redundancies, money, separation from families, death, etc.).

Lockdown was a confusing time as it was seen as a time to catch up on favorite books, learn new skills, develop new businesses and for those who still needed to work or study, a different way of doing things. Not “leveling up,” training, or being entrepreneurial meant wasting the quiet time we were in. I had already made a list of things I needed to do in order to be productive and creative and not waste the vacation. Then came the murder of George Floyd, Breanna Taylor and the calls for social justice around the world.

There are already many issues related to racism for POC, be it your face full of racism or the microaggressions that I know well as a black person and have experienced, adding to the daily stress of life. The constant images and videos of murders or worrying about my family around the world, being stuck indoors, thoughts that I wasn't being productive, learning new skills, or being entrepreneurial made me feel constantly stressed and anxious. All of these emotions brought me back fully into my yoga and meditation practice, which I had been doing on and off for over 6 years.

Practicing meditation and mindfulness has been shown to help reduce the fight-or-flight mode that stress brings. I practiced tuning into my breathing, inhaling and exhaling deeply and slowly to calm the fight or flight part of the brain. The joy and contentment I slowly began to feel by becoming aware helped me deal with societal expectations and understand that it's okay to not be okay and acknowledge that it's okay to be sad and empathetic, not always strong. not always productive or creative.

My journey on this path is not an end, but rather an ongoing process of giving myself permission to sit and record as an outlet. Mindfulness practice and realistic expectations for myself, as well as recognizing that I am the expert on myself, have helped significantly reduce my stress and anxiety.

What I do when I feel stressed or anxious, and you may find it useful, is in no way a quick fix, but a step towards feeling good within myself:

• I've found myself sitting in mindful practice for even 10 minutes a day, as I discovered with this group of friends who offer free breathing meditation (www.slowe.yoga/breathe).

• Practice self-care in whatever way serves you, whether it's journaling, lighting scented candles, or bathing.

• If you know it is okay to ask for help if you need it, either from your GP, NHS, MIND, therapist or your local helpline.

• Turn off social media from time to time.