From IVF to fatherhood: the ups and downs

This Father's Day, we asked Max Gell if he would like to share his partner's story and his journey to impending fatherhood with us. Hers wasn't exactly and we are so happy for her and honored that he agreed to help us shed light on infertility and IVF from the perspective of a proud father-to-be. And even more so because Max’s partner is our very own Yogamatters product manager Candice, who is (!!!) expecting. Here is his story:

Hello, my name is Max and I'm going to be a dad soon.

This is something I've always dreamed of being able to write, especially over the last two years.

The journey through IVF to fatherhood was arduous and painful, full of frustration and anguish and yet my relationship with my partner has never been stronger. The saying “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” certainly applies here.

Five years ago we tried to conceive naturally and of course this is the most romantic way to get pregnant. I can assure you of that. Finally, when you suspect that something isn't quite working, panic sets in and the fun is taken out of the whole process. Stress is the biggest factor we have had to overcome, that and expectations, although they are inextricably linked. As panic set in, it became clear we needed help, so we started talking to doctors and were eventually referred for IVF.

As a male partner, you don't go through a tenth of the trauma that your female partner goes through when it comes to infertility and IVF. Add in all the invasive tests and questions as the biological clock keeps moving, and you have a perfect recipe for straining your relationship.

My focus was on supporting my partner Candice as best as possible. I first considered the common emotions we share in this experience. We were both therePains(that we perhaps cannot imagine),frustrationwith others creeping in, especially as our families and friendship groups became pregnant on a daily basis, it seemed almost random.angerwas a readily available emotion aimed at each other or screaming into the ether when the pain became too great. These were all shared experiences, shared and overcome with a handshake, a few finely chosen words or a sunrise walk to clear away the cobwebs and start the day in solidarity.

And while I had grown as an individual and a partner during these incredibly difficult times, I was not yet a father.

Five years later, one failed round of IUI, two rounds of IVF, a whole bunch of vitamins, supplements, blood tests and hormone shots, and we had six positive pregnancy tests sitting proudly on the dinner table. We were pregnant!!

I suddenly felt the paternal pride that I have experienced from my father and countless other incredible men who I am lucky enough to call friends. “I’m going to be a dad,” I tell myself as fear sets in, followed by thrill and excitement and then immediately back to that fear. I assume that all expectant fathers ask themselves these questions. Will they be healthy? How am I supposed to take care of something so small and fragile? Will they be proud to call me daddy? Can I stop her from making the same mistakes I made? Will they be happy? How will my partner and I maintain the love and connection we share and most importantly, how the hell will we pay for two baby diapers? Oh, I didn't say we were having twins!

I'm taking this fatherhood thing very seriously and I've already upped my game. I feel more alive and connected to my partner every day. I am naturally a cheerful and relaxed character and of course I would like to inherit that from my children, but I would also like to be more organized and mature (I am an actor and we can be a little listless sometimes). So the research and planning, the painting and the DIY started early. I want to stay ahead of the game so that when the time comes, my partner and I are relaxed and ready.

I really can't wait to be a parent, father and hopefully grandfather one day. I'm emotional at the best of times and could easily cry during commercials if I had the right alchemy, so I found myself daydreaming, my postpartum partner with the twins in each arm, tears in my eyes from the joy of it all. I see the dads in the parks with kids jumping around everywhere and I long for the osteopath appointment after a day of playing donkey. I'm really ready for this and it feels great to say that. I know this is not always the case. I'm told five times a day by parenting friends and those on podcasts that you can never truly be ready for a baby, especially when there are two, but hey, I'm as ready as I'll ever be! If the love I have for these pomegranates right now (that's their size right now) is anything to go by, they'll be fine.

I consider myself very fortunate that I am now looking into the barrel of fatherhood in the hope that all the difficult struggles of conception are over and the tough but rewarding duty of being a father lies ahead of me for the rest of my life!

Thank you to my father who tried to give me everything I needed and supported me in every way possible. Greetings to all fathers out there, especially those who aren't there yet or don't know yet!

You can read Candice's story about the IVF journey that led Max and her to this momentHere.