From IVF to paternity: the ups and downs

On this Father's Day we asked Max Gell whether he would like to share the history of his partner and his way to the upcoming fatherhood with us. Yours was not exactly and we are so happy for you and feel honored that he has agreed to help us to shed light on infertility and IVF from the perspective of a proud father. And all the more, because Max 'partner is our own yogamatt product manager Candice, who is expecting (!!!). Here is his story:

Hello, my name is Max and I will soon be papa.

This is something that I have always dreamed of, especially in the past two years, to be able to write.

The way through the IVF to fatherhood was tedious and painful, full of frustration and agony and yet my relationship with my partner was never stronger. The saying "What does not kill you only make you stronger" will certainly apply here.

five years ago we tried to get pregnant naturally, and of course that is the most romantic way of getting pregnant. I can assure you that. If you finally suspect that something does not work entirely, panic begins and the fun is taken from the whole process. Stress is the greatest factor that we had to overcome, that and expectations, even though they are inseparable. When panic came up, it became clear that we needed help, so we started talking to doctors and finally transferred to the IVF.

As a male partner, they do not go through a tenth of the trauma that their partner suffers in relation to infertility and IVF. Add all invasive tests and questions while the biological clock moves further and you have a perfect recipe to strain your relationship.

My focus was on supporting my partner Candice as much as possible. First I looked at the common emotions that we share in this experience. We both were there pain (that we might not be able to imagine), frustration with others crept into, especially since our families and friendship groups got pregnant every day, it seemed almost accidental. Zorn was an easily available emotion that aimed at each other or screamed into the ether when the pain got too great. These were all common experiences, shared and overcome with a hand pressure, a few finely chosen words or a sunrise walk to remove the spinning weavers and start the day in solidarity.

And although I was grown as an individual and partner in these incredibly difficult times, I was not yet a father.

five years later, a failed IUI round, two IVF rounds, a whole bunch of vitamins, nutritional supplements, blood tests and hormone injections, and we had six positive pregnancy tests that were proud of the dining table. We were pregnant !!

I suddenly felt the fatherly pride that I experienced from my father and countless other incredible men, whom I can fortunately call friends. "I'm going to be dad," I say when the fear starts, followed by thrill and excitement and then immediately back to this fear. I assume that all expectant fathers ask themselves these questions. Will you be healthy? How should I take care of something so small and fragile? Will you be proud to call me dad? Can I stop them from making the same mistakes I made? Will you be happy? How will my partner and I preserve the love and connection that we share and, above all, how the devil will we pay for two baby diapers? Oh, I didn't say we get twins!

I take this thing very seriously and have already improved my game. I feel more lively and connected to my partner every day. I am naturally a happy and relaxed character and of course I would like to inherit that from my children, but I would also like to be organized and mature (I am an actor and we can sometimes be a little listless). The research and planning, painting and making yourself started early. I want to be one step ahead of the game so that my partner and I are relaxed and ready when the time comes.

I really can hardly wait to be a grandfather, father and hopefully grandfather one day. I am emotionally at the best of times and could easily cry during advertising if I have the right alchemy, so I caught in daydreaming, my partner after birth with the twins in every arm, tears in the eyes with joy over everything. I see the fathers in the parks with children who jump around everywhere, and after a day I long for playing eating for the osteopath appointment. I am really ready for it, and it feels great to say that. I know that this is not always the case. I am told five times a day by parents and those in podcasts that you can never really be ready for a baby, especially if there are two, but hey, I'm ready as I will ever be! If the love that I have for these pomegranates (that's their size at the moment) is something, they will be fine.

I appreciate that I now hope that all the difficult fights of conception are over and the hard but rewarding duty to be a father is looking for the rest of my life in front of me!

Many thanks to my father, who tried to give me everything I needed and supported me in every conceivable way. Greetings to all fathers out there, especially those who are not yet there or have not yet known!

You can read Candice's story about the trip with IVF that Max and you led at that moment here.