Everything I want for Christmas is to eat in peace: set borders

I assume that after the last blog post you burned all of your diet books, thrown away your food scale and fully spent life to eat only what you want if you want ... right? If you missed the first, you can read it here.

And now comes the feared terrible test to see family and friends, and of course they wonder what to do when someone comments on what they eat or their bodies.

I understand, I was there, I come from an Indian family, there is no clock or courtesy and love is expressed by food, not through words.

There is this inhaling, followed by a moment when the deer are in the spotlight: "How do I react to it at all?" It is almost quiet throughout the room and is waiting for your answer. You feel the awkwardness of the moment.

What do you say if someone outside of your own body believes that it is his right to comment on your body or what you have chosen to eat or not to eat?

I am now inviting her to curious about this moment. Close your eyes and feel this memory in your body, feel everything you would feel there; Guilt, shame, confusion, pain - let yourself be flooded for a moment.

And once you have felt it, say aloud: "I don't discuss my food or body with you."

or "I don't remember that you went to the food police?" Or any other answer you want, I will list a few more below.

The main thing we want to learn is how we want to react to these comments, and frankly sometimes consider whether we want to answer at all.

set limits

A good habit is to set limits to people and events to try to minimize such comments and they go in both directions. Limits that you can set with yourself and boundaries that you can set with other people.

You may have heard the term limit on social media or read it in an article. Limits are guidelines or boundaries that you can create to determine sensible, safe and permissible behavior of other people. These limits and limits are then enforced by the person who has set the border. They are essentially a way to explain the behavior to people they will accept and not accept. Consider a border as a drawing of a line in sand around you, and the area of ​​this line can change in different people. For example, the boundaries that I put around my family differ from those that I have determined for people I may work with.

In terms of events that you may be afraid of, you can use a neutral time beforehand to put a border with people and also with yourself.

I like to call people in advance, let it be a quiet conversation in which the borders can be talked about.

Something like: "I don't like it when people comment on my food or my eating habits. I would welcome it if they could take away from it. If this happens, if I am near you, please note that I will leave the room and eat somewhere else. 'To be honest, you don't even have to explain why you do not tell you this, unless you want to give you an explanation.

The effects of a border violation do not necessarily have to be extreme unless you want this.

of course

If you have dealt with before an event that you may feel concerned about, this can sometimes help to alleviate fears and bring them there with a quieter spirit.

But let's be honest, sometimes people - and especially the family - do not understand limits, and they are not alone if they experience this. My family can either take on the role of the "feeder" or the food police.

In this case, I now remind you that you can react in the way you choose. You can - and I recommend this to you - enforce all the limits you have set.

If an incident occurs with people for whom you have not previously set a limit, I recommend either ignoring it or answering with a tricky answer as you want. However, try to grasp them out of curiosity. Some answers are below:

"No" - then choose whether you eat it or not

"yes" - then choose whether you eat it or not

"Did you recently train as a nutritionist?" - Invite you to a conversation about why you feel that it is your right to monitor your selection of food

"This is strange, I don't remember that you were my doctor."

"I am not discussing my weight / food selection with them" is also due, even if they push back

"I have no interest in this discussion with you"

"I don't remember to have asked about your opinion or your advice - may I ask why you thought differently?"

Sometimes we get lost in the feeling that we have not wanted to create a scene that has been taught us since childhood, especially those who live in female bodies are caused to be calm and not to rock the boat, i.e. all this - the limits that - the answers - can have the feeling that it violates everything they have brought to think - that's okay. But as a person you deserve to be treated with respect, and people have the right not to feel nervous at such events. The role -playing game of these answers with a mirror, a roommate, a friend or a loved one can help them get used to expressing themselves and prioritizing their feelings instead of others.

Finally, as a person who deserves respect and love, you do not have to answer, you don't have to do anything, and you can also choose not to take part in these events - but if you have decided to do it because you want to be active, then the above can be used for you. Your body, your eating habits, these are your decisions, and you are so much more than what your body looks like or what you want to eat.

Now I will leave you the role -playing game and the setting of limits, a nice holiday season and hopefully a break.